


The turning point

by Sweetss80



Series: A new life [1]
Category: SS-GB (TV), SS-GB - Len Deighton
Genre: An alternative ending of SS-GB, Archer can't believe it, Eventual Happy Ending, Huth is almost drunk and in love, Love/Hate, M/M, Story inspired on the 'drunken-scene' after the Highgate bombing, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-04-25 19:44:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14385816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweetss80/pseuds/Sweetss80
Summary: Archer struggles with his feelings. Huth makes one thing very clear to him.





	1. Chapter 1

I enter his scanty office and I see Huth sitting behind his desk with a strange expression on his face. On the table stands a bottle of whiskey with a few glasses. It’s warm and the room is full of cigarette smoke. I can hardly breathe. 

Huth takes a sip of his whiskey. He doesn’t seem to notice me yet. I remain indecisive and suddenly wonder why I came to his office. 

I received the order to visit my boss, Standartenführer Dr. Oskar Huth, at his living address at Brook Street. The reason why was not told me. I guess he wants to talk about the case we’re working on.

When I came to the building I had to report to the officer on duty. I identified myself and kept my pass ready. The officer gave me all respect and I was allowed to walk to my superior's apartment without supervision. I was surprised because they don’t let anyone - and certainly no Englishman, even if he is a Superintendent - walk to a senior officer without escort. 

But now I’m standing here. Slowly I walk towards his desk. And it’s only now that he really sees me. 

"Do you also want to get drunk and stay this night?" Huth suddenly asks me. He shoves me a glass of whiskey. His crystal blue eyes look at me penetratingly. 

I feel uncomfortable with his gaze. This time he looks different than normal. Besides his almost-drunk glance, I now see something else with him that I’ve never noticed before. Cravings and desire. But also loneliness. 

Huth has unfastened his tunic and his white undershirt stands out against the army green color of the jacket. He is slim and muscular, unlike some other German officers. In the corner of the room hangs his leather overcoat with his officer's cap. 

My superior looks almost vulnerable in this way. I have never experienced him like this before. 

I'm still warm and almost want to ask if the window can be a little bit open. But you don’t ask such questions to a Standartenführer. I feel the sweaty curves running down my back. 

Suddenly I also feel a slight tingling in my stomach. To my shame, I must confess that he looks very attractive, almost boyish. He’s still staring at me. 

It shouldn’t be allowed. It can’t, I think. He is the enemy!

But I can’t resist the sight of Huth's eyes. "I will stay for a while but not to get drunk,” I answer and I pull off my overcoat and untie the buttons of my jacket. I almost want to take off the jacket. But I hold on. 

Do I believe it or is he disappointed? 

I feel as if I am being dissected alive. Huth continues to stare at me as if he is trying to understand my thoughts. 

"Are you sure you don’t want to stay?" He asks again. And I look up at him in amazement.


	2. Chapter 2

His crystal blue eyes are almost watery, I now see. As if it is almost too much for him. 

To gain my time, I take the whiskey glass and take a firm sip. I almost choke. The liquid burns in my throat. 

"Standartenführer, I ....," I stammer. To my annoyance, my tongue is in trouble. "Why did you actually summon me?" I ask with a firmer voice. In order to have something to do, I light a cigarette, hoping that my hand doesn’t vibrate too much. 

"Isn’t that clear to you yet, Superintendent?" Huth replies and he looks at me again. 

I’m getting nervous from his gaze. Not because it’s new to me but because I read emotions that don’t suit me. Is that really true? Since our first encounter in the warehouse, the air seems to be electronically charged when we are together within one space. 

I take another sip of the whiskey. The drink doesn’t lack its effect. I already feel dizzy now. 

"Come here," my superior beckons to a chair next to him. I sit cautiously. And now I get the chance to study him better. 

He looks tired and exhausted. I know he hardly comes to sleep. There are black circles under his eyes. His face has fallen in. I see that the whiskey bottle is almost halved. He is doing well to get drunk. 

"You shouldn’t drink so much," I blurt out. Why do I say this to him? But I said it out of genuine concern. I’m amazing myself. 

"Archer, make me understand why not," Huth says to me. "Because it is true that I forget the pain because of the alcohol. The pain of loneliness. I was hoping to find the answer with you, Douglas. Since we met, I can’t forget you. " 

I look up at him. Despite his near-drunkenness, I see in his eyes that he is serious about it. Involuntarily I get a tickle in my stomach. From pleasure. 

And suddenly I realize where those jitters come from my stomach. And what this means. And suddenly I get scared. 

I get up, pack my things and walk to the door as fast as I can. 

"Douglas!" 

Something in his voice makes me turn around again.

He is now very close to me. "Please Douglas, stay here. Only for this night. I can see you feel the same as I do, but you just don’t believe it. "

His smell almost intoxicates me. It’s a mix of his own warm body odor, whiskey and cigarettes. I get the irresistible urge to touch him. But I can’t. 

"No…no. It's not possible. It’s not allowed!" I deny as hard as possible. But to whom do I actually say that? To myself? 

"Oh no? And isn’t this allowed as well? "And he grabs me, takes me in his arms and kisses me. And at that moment I know that I am lost.


	3. Chapter 3

He goes straight to his goal. No hesitation, no tentative exploration. He kisses me intensely. I stand in his arms as paralyzed, slowly coming into ecstasy. I pull him close to me. I breathe in his scent and it makes me crazy. The rational Douglas has completely disappeared. And I don’t even care anymore. Denying no longer makes any sense. All the pent-up feelings of the past weeks are now coming loose. 

We fidget each other’s clothes. I take off my jacket. My overcoat is somewhere like a dark blue island in the middle of the room. Meanwhile, he has also freed himself from his uniform jacket.

I feel his hard muscles under his shirt when I let my hands go over his back. It’s clear to feel how feverish he is. He gasps and groans and rubs his mouth on mine again. His stubbly beard pricks my skin. I feel his warm breath on my face and I taste a pleasant mixture of cigarettes and alcohol. And the light scent of his after shave.

My dear heaven, these sensations are almost too much for me. If he goes on like this, I will come to a climax without having felt him in me.

With a fearful look, I look at the door of his office. What if someone comes in now?

Huth follows my gaze and reassures me. "No one comes in here without knocking." 

I have now released all inhibitions. I pull him back to me and start kissing him again. With an uncommon brutality I lower the braces off his shoulders and search desperately for the buttons of his pants. The bulge in his pants is unmistakable. I caress it. His moaning sounds like music to my ears. 

"I will stay with you tonight, Oskar. We will caress and love each other. No more Superintendent and Standartenführer for this night. But please, not here in this room, " I whisper in a husky voice. 

The joy I read in his eyes makes my heart beat faster. 

"Come with me," he says. He close the door of his office, takes my hand and leads me to his bedroom.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this chapter I had some difficulties with the translation from Dutch to English. I've rewritten it several times. Google translate is a great help but not always. 
> 
> I hope I've used the right English expressions in some sentences. And otherwise, sorry for that!

I wake up and I need some time to realize where I am. The bed doesn’t feel like I am used to at home. Oh yes, I'm in Huth's apartment in Brook Street. And our meeting ended in his bedroom where we have intensively made love together. 

I turn around and see my superior annex lover-for-one-night laying beside me. By the moonlight shining through the bedroom, I can see his muscular upper body. His face looks almost serene. I kiss him carefully on his forehead. He moves for a moment but happily continues to sleep through. 

In the bedroom hangs the unmistakable smell of our love game. I actually want to open the window a bit, but I don’t. _Leave this hostile world outside of our bedroom!_  

My sheets feel clammy. I am thirsty and I get out of bed to get a glass of water. I don’t know if he wants some water, but I also take a glass for him. 

My body feels bruised. Making love with a man can’t be compared with anything. That night I let myself go on a wave of longing and lust and I had to make an effort not to scream with pleasure. I really believe I’ve broken the pillows on the bed. I have held them so firmly! 

I gently crawl into bed again and I start to ponder again. 

When did the turning point come? I think back to my time with Jill. I loved her dearly. For me she was the true one. I didn’t have the slightest need to look at other women, let alone men. 

It was a happy time. Douggie was born and the first years in London were the best years of my life. Until my wife died during that bombing. 

I get a lump in my throat. The desperation I felt on that day is coming up again. I notice that I am still not over it. How can it be? Can I ever get over it? Did I therefore go to bed with Sylvia and later with Barbara to dispel the pain? The pain of loneliness? And with a shock I realize that Huth said exactly the same words to me last night. We look more alike than I expected. 

And now I find myself back in bed with my superior and I’m ashamed that I must confess that I have enjoyed this night with him. And that I want to make love with him again. 

I feel like a traitor. It feels as if I were betraying my wife, my son and the whole British nation. Why did I let myself get carried away like that? Why? _Why_? 

Has it really been just lust or am I beginning to fall in love with him? 

It’s too much for me. I feel so guilty now that I don’t know what to do with this feeling. _Jill, I'm so sorry, but I can’t help it. Forgive me please….._

To my annoyance I start to sob. The emotions are so overwhelming that I can’t stop them anymore. I try to sob quietly because I don’t want him to see me like that. He will certainly regard this as a sign of weakness. And he will let me feel this. I turn away from him. 

Moments later I feel an arm sliding around my waist and Huth is pulling me close to him. He caresses my auricle and I feel his warm, reassuring breath blowing into my ear. 

" _Ruhig, ruhig,_ " he whispers softly to me. "I know how hard it feels for you now. Please don’t try to feel guilty. We'll work it out, you and me. I am convinced of that." And he kisses me tenderly on my cheek. 

Slowly I feel myself becoming calmer in his arms. I wish now we’ve met each other under different circumstances. But at least I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I utter a deep sigh and tenderly kiss the fingers of his hand. 

Together we remain silent until the first sunbeams announces the dawn of a new day.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little look in Oskar Huth's mind

_I look at the papers on my desk and add another cigarette. The umpteenth of tonight. I take another sip of my coffee and think. On the case I'm working on, about Mayhew with his illustrious deal. I'm almost out how I can expose him. Action requires a reaction. Thinking three steps ahead. Just a chess game. And I'm good at that._

_My thoughts wander off to my subordinate and my lover: Douglas. It feels strange to be able to say this. Strange but also very enjoyable. I have to smile when I think of him. We can bring each other teasing and kissing to a climax. O my dear heaven! I feel how my body responds and involuntarily I gasp for breath._

_Concentrate Oskar! You can’t use a distraction now. You must expose Mayhew! And you know that Douglas plays a role in the big picture. He has never been completely honest with me about that. And he also thinks I don’t know anything. But I am a tactician. I know what he plans for a long time. And how big his role on the chessboard really is._  

_Would Douglas also understand it? Would he have noticed that he is only a pawn? Mayhew and his henchmen, of course, have made him believe that he is indispensable for the task assigned to him. And Douglas will say that he doesn’t do this job without his buddy Harry there._

_And maybe that Barga woman is also making him crazy. Would he still sleep with her? I become jealous when I think about that. I don’t want Douglas to be coveted by anyone else. He's mine!_

_I try to shake that thought from me but it doesn’t work out very well. But if my prediction comes true, Douglas is deceived by his own compatriot. And then his American girlfriend is nowhere to be seen._

_And don’t underestimate me. Maybe I can give that fatal blow to Kellerman to eliminate him definitely._

_The events that are going to take place tonight will determine the course of history of this bloody country and the Reich. I am sure of that._

_I drink my last coffee, stand up and I’m preparing myself. My uniform and my boots are clean and polished. My leather overcoat is carefully buttoned. I put my officer's cap on and throw a last look in the mirror. Everything in impeccable. Excellent!_

_I grab my cane and call Hausser. He indicates that all army units are ready. Actually, I never liked Hausser. But he is creepy cold and efficient. Perfectly usable for tonight's task._

_I am ready. You too Douglas? You are now on your way to the place of destination. With a very important charge. We will meet there, you and me._

_See you soon, darling._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a very free interpretation of the events happening at the end of episode 4 and episode 5. And there's more to come.....


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my version of the events taken place at the end of episode 5. I hope you like it. Apologise when I've used the wrong English expressions and/or phrases.

My head ... ..o dear God ... my head. I’m hurt, I'm dizzy and I have struggles to move. What happened? Where am I? 

I feel something moist trickling behind my ears. It's blood. I now feel I’m wounded, roughly beaten up with the butt of a gun by a German soldier. A bright light shines in my face. My eyes are tearing. And I hear sounds, talk in German. Do I now hear the deep baritone voice of my superior? He certainly doesn’t talk against me. I think that dog of a Hausser is with him, that ice cold creep. I suddenly hear a gunshot up close and my heart is almost in my throat. 

I try to think clearly but my head doesn’t want to cooperate. Every time when I moves my head a little bit, the pain increases. I need something to stop the blood, I think. But I have nothing, not even a handkerchief. 

Patches of memories slowly float to the surface. It all started so well. I could finally do something good again, something useful for my country. Together with Sylvia and Harry. We could take the king to a safer place. Mayhew arranged everything down to the last detail. 

We drove to the place of destination. I talked to Mayhew through a secure telephone connection about the latest details. I had a good feeling about it. But it went terribly wrong ... 

We have been betrayed. I can’t explain it otherwise. Before we even realized we were surrounded by SS-soldiers. 

A gunfight arose. There were casualties on both sides. I had even killed a few soldiers with my gun. I saw Sylvia searching for cover behind our car. She climbed into the car and then tried to get him started. But it was no longer useful. The Germans saw the target and the car was riddled with bullets. Sylvia and the king - who was still in the car - were killed instantly. 

My eyes are tearing again and this time from the pent up emotions that come loose. I cry without making a sound. Sylvia ... o Sylvia! I have seen her die before my eyes! We had made up for it again between the two of us and now she’s no longer alive. And where is Harry? Did those bastards get him too? 

I still can’t move properly. I feel numbed. My head now begins to feel like it’s full of pins. I am hungry and I want desperately something to drink. 

In the distance, I hear machine guns. Explosions take place. It seems like a kind of bombing. I don’t understand it anymore. What is going on? 

The fog in my head begins to dissolve and slowly I become aware of my surroundings. I’m laying wounded nearby a bunker complex and I am guarded by two German soldiers. 

I see the long, shiny figure of my superior walking up the bunker stairs. Apparently he has also become curious about where the noise comes from. I get annoyed that he still looks so perfect and impeccable in his uniform and in his long leather overcoat. As if he hardly cares that he’s just responsible for the death of my comrades. I feel anger coming into me. How on earth could I share the bed with him? 

Huth calls something against Hausser in German which I can hardly understand. From the intonation I can only conclude that he’s surprised. I hear something about Bringle Sands. 

With a shock I realize in which game I ended up. And what Mayhew has planned. This was _not_ a betrayal. This was _not_ an accident. Mayhew deliberately played the most important chess pieces against each other. And in such a way that Bringle Sands is now being attacked by the Americans. Mayhew has played cunningly. But this will remain without consequences. The Germans will take their revenge. 

My head begins to pound again. I have to fight against nausea. 

I feel the ice-cold barrel of the gun against the side of my head. This was it, I think. This is the end. Please, let it come quickly. 

"Shall I shoot the prisoner?" Hausser asks Huth. His fingers itch to pull the trigger. 

Huth turns around and looks at me. I read in his eyes that he is as surprised as myself. I don’t see a triumph in his eyes. And I realize that we are both cheated. We are played against each other. By Mayhew, and perhaps also by Barbara. I feel my anger decrease. 

"No," he answers to Hausser. "Take him with you. We can always shoot him later. " 

I feel a hard blow to my forehead and everything turns again black, jet black.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little look in Oskar Huth's mind part two

_He is still unconscious. I’m worried. That stupid idiot of a Hausser! Before I could say anything, he had knocked Douglas out of consciousness. That wasn’t necessary. A blindfold would also have been good. But Hausser would have looked strange if I showed a little sympathy for an Englishman, so I stay in my role of the cold and efficient Standartenführer. But in the meantime I’m feeling terrible._

_In order to have something to do, I inspect the house again. The house looks like the residents have hurriedly left for the emerging threat of war, but I know better. They were arrested and the house was plundered afterwards. Only the items that aren’t usable for trading on the black market are left behind._

_During my inspection I discover another treasure and I have to laugh at the irony of the situation. I should show this to Douglas!_

_Outside there is a cold wind and because there are cracks in the building, it’s also cold inside the house. I hear my men outside talking and laughing, and they warm themselves against the cold._

_I walk back, getting a little bit nervous. It won’t be easy to face your lover. And Douglas has every reason to hate me. I hope I can convince him that he is wrong._

_I am relieved to see that Douglas is conscious again. Hausser is watching him closely. My other officer salutes me._

_"You’re awake," I say, hoping that I don’t betray myself too much. Douglas says nothing and looks at me expectantly. I see no anger in his eyes but rather determination, despite his physical condition. He looks miserable. His hair is intertwined, his wool coat is covered with dirt and dust, and I see dried blood stains on his face and right behind his ear. He is thirsty, I note. He has to drink something._

_Hausser has now searched him and hands me a cigar case, a gun and some other papers. I put them in the pockets of my leather overcoat, thinking about what I'm going to do with it._

_I try to break the ice by saying that as an Englishman he could appreciate this place. I get a surly answer: "I’m not interested in architecture."_

_Despite the situation I have to smile. "Follow me," I command, and I walk down the stairs towards the dining room. It’s the only place where we can talk undisturbed with the two of us. My officers don’t dare to follow me if I don’t give them an order to do so._

_I show Douglas my discovered treasure and take the bottle of wine that is hidden in the cavity. He still doesn’t say anything but looks attentively. "Let's find something to drink this bottle empty," I suggest._

_I hear from his footsteps that he’s still coming after me. My heart makes a small leap. Apparently he also wants to know what kind of role he has played on the chessboard._

_I will explain everything to you, darling. I will show you that we are both used as a pawn in the big picture._

_But I know to myself that this isn’t the only reason. I wish so much that he ... Oh! No, I can’t allow that now!_

_We have now arrived at the dining room and I find some old tea cups. I clean them, open the bottle of wine and pour some of the liquid into the cups. I see from the corner of my eyes that Douglas carefully sits on the corner of the dining table, visibly fighting against fatigue._

_I hand him a full cup. He takes a sip and then looks at me with those mysterious dark eyes of him. I can hardly turn my gaze away from him._

_I take another sip of the wine when he suddenly says to me in a weary tone, "I know, ....". And I look at him, not knowing what to say._


	8. Chapter 8

It doesn’t happen often that Huth is upset. The confusion can be read from his face. 

"We are played against each other," I continue. "It wouldn’t have mattered to Mayhew if I had died in this action. He wasn’t at all concerned about the king. I was useful because I had free passage everywhere with my police pass. And thus it was relatively easy to get the king to the place of destination. His only goal was to involve the Americans in the war in the hope that they can turn the tide. And he succeeded. But the British will pay a high price for this success. " 

Huth looks around the room, looking for a chair. He finds one in the corner of the room, picks him up and sits close to me, his body heat almost tangible. I hear the cracking of his leather boots and his overcoat. He sighs deeply, takes off his gloves and his cap. It almost makes him human. 

"And who was the girl in the car?" He asks in the end. His blue eyes prick right in my face. 

"Sylvia," I answer. When I pronounce her name, I’m again overwhelmed by grief and I stare at a point in the distance. 

"I thought that you……,". His jealous undertone doesn’t escape me. The disappointment is dripping from his face. 

 _What? Does he still think I had something with her_? 

"Oskar ....," I say but he interrupts me: "It just appears that I can easily be misled. I let myself be guided by my selfishness. I walked straight into the trap of Mayhew. I was blind. Mayhew has played me like an idiot. I should have seen that Bringle Sands would be attacked! "His voice is full of self-blame.

"Mayhew made you think that this action was doomed to fail. He used you as a distraction. " Strangely enough I try to comfort him. 

"Mayhew lied and I was duped," Huth continues somberly. "I left Bringle Sands unguarded, which meant that the Americans had free rein to attack the fort. All research have been destroyed. And everything I have collected about Kellerman has no longer any purpose. I put myself offside. And Kellerman knows that. " 

There is a silence. We don’t say anything anymore. We’re trying to give the events a place. 

The long and intensive night is starting to take its toll. My stomach needs something more than just the wine.

"Do you have something to eat for me?" I ask Huth carefully. He looks up at me. 

"Tell me first ... you ... and that girl ... well, you know?" I see the uncertainty in Huth's eyes.

I shake my head and I see that a burden falls from him. " And not with Barbara either," I say. 

The truth is that I’m no longer angry with him. Mayhew is laughing now. Mayhew has achieved its goal: to involve the Americans in the war. And it doesn’t bother Mayhew at all that innocent Britons are now executed by his actions. That Sylvia was murdered and maybe Harry was missing. Mayhew has played the game well since the beginning. _He is the grand master. And I was blind because he knew where my weak spot was._  

Huth smiles at me vaguely, his eyes twinkling slightly. He stands up and walks into an adjoining room. A little later he comes back with some bread and a bowl of water with a small cloth in it. I eagerly start eating the bread. Then I wash myself a little bit clean. The water turns pale pink of the dried blood. 

"Come here. Let me help you," says Huth softly to me. He takes the cloth from me and gently wipes away the last dried blood traces behind my ears. It feels good to be cared for and the tension ebbs away a bit. I close my eyes and exhale deeply. I feel so tired. 

Suddenly I feel a firm arm around my neck and Huth gently pulls me against him. His other arm is wrapped around my waist. I let my head rest on his arm and I smell the leather, cigarettes and his own comforting, warm body odor. 

In this way we remain standing for a while, wordlessly and satisfied in each other's company. Explanation is not necessary. We know that we’ve come to the same conclusion. 

Heavy footsteps come to our way. I quickly and - unfortunately - release from his embrace. A little later, Hausser walks in, looks at me insecure and then turns to his superior. 

"Standartenführer?" He reports. "Kellerman is on his way to here."


	9. Chapter 9

Huth is visibly annoyed by Hausser's interruption. I don’t know if it has to do with our intimate embrace or that Kellerman is on the trail. 

Hausser clearly doesn’t know what to do with his attitude. After a pause he says reluctantly: "Standartenführer, Kellerman is on his way to here. He accuses us of treason and that we are a fraud unit acted without authority." He flips nervously from one foot to the other. 

I see Huth's face tightening and I feel sorry for him. The doom scenario he was talking about seems to come true for him. I’m also beginning to worry. What happens to me? 

Huth pulls out a piece of paper from his coat, grabs his pen and writes a message on the note that he hands over to Hausser. "This is your license," he says. "This means that you have only followed the orders of your superior. And that I’ll take the full responsibility. Go back to Bringle Sands and try to save what can be saved." 

The men exchange a look of understanding. Then Hausser salutes, gives me a brief look and disappears. A little later I hear noise from boarding soldiers and starting trucks. Minutes later it’s quiet and the only thing I hear is the cold wind blowing around the house. 

Huth turns to me. "Kellerman is even faster here than I thought. He is keen to take his moment."  

He begins to loosen his overcoat. 

I don’t know what to say. I had secretly thought that there was still hope for both of us. But now I slowly begin to understand that he has sacrificed himself to Kellerman in order to spare his men. And maybe because of me as well. What else does he intend? 

"Is there a radio here?" I want to know if there’s any news, even if it won’t be hopeful. He nods and walks out of the dining room. I follow him. 

The radio is in the corner of the former living room. The room must have been a stately and well-furnished living room in better times. The large windows provided a lot of light. The curtains must also have been large and stately but now they are old and worn. In the middle of the room is a small coffee table with some worn, leather chairs. 

Huth takes off his overcoat and lays the stuff that Hausser took from me on the table. Then he walks to one of the windows, lights a cigarette and looks out to meet his death sentence. He is completely lost in thought. 

Meanwhile I try to make contact with the radio. I’m very happy to get a connection with this thing. The messages I hear from the radio don’t make me happy at all. In the whole occupied area there are executions of innocent civilians. The Germans punish the English population and it doesn’t matter whether they have participated in the resistance or not. In silence I’m cursing Mayhew. _Is this what you wanted now_? 

"Any news from _him_?" Huth asks me. I nod and tell him the news of the executions taking place all over the country.

"Kellerman is getting closer, Oskar," I say, and it starts to irritate me that he remains so calm and expectant while the noose is pulled tighter around his neck. 

Huth looks at me with a somewhat amused mocking look. "What do you expect me to do? Run? I'm a lost cause." 

Now I’m beginning to get angry for so much indifference. This is not the Huth I know. I get up from my chair. "You are _not_ a lost cause! How can you say that now? " And I walk to him and before he can say anything back I kiss him hard and full on his mouth.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our adventure is almost coming to an end ...

****It looks as if Huth is protesting and that he wants to push me away. But then he takes me by the lapel of my coat and pulls me close to him. I feel his body heat and I immediately think back to our first night together. I taste his familiar taste of cigarettes in my mouth and I fall into utter bliss again. For a moment I forget in what precarious situation we are in but at the moment I don’t care.

We kiss each other with a desperate passion as if it’s the last time we can ever experience this together. I pull him firmly against me and take my hands through his hair. I hear myself sigh and moan in his mouth. 

Huth finally loosens himself gently from me, a little gasping as if he has breathlessness. I see that his eyes are moist and with grief at the impending departure. Involuntarily I get a lump in my throat. 

Huth strokes my cheek tenderly. His fingers gently touch my mouth. I kiss one of his fingertips. A wry smile appears around his mouth. 

"Douglas, please, think of yourself." His voice is choked. "You have a chance to go. Don’t let Kellerman get you. Think about your son! I have no one else to live for, except a father whom I hate.” He turns away his face to the window. 

"That is not true!” I call out desperately. “Have you forgotten our first night? Why did you insist that I had to stay? It was a special night, both for me and for you. It was the turning point in my life! I never thought that I would fall in love and certainly not with a man. I wanted so badly that our circumstances were different than now!" 

I feel exhausted by my speech. I have given everything, exposed my soul. There is no way back now. 

He still has turned his face away. But I see he’s struggling. 

"Oskar," I try again. "There is always a way out. But we have to do it together. We _can_ do it together. We were both lied and deceived. You have been the only constant factor. I will not let you fall. And I don’t want to lose anyone again. This has happened to me too recently and too often." 

I stumble back to my chair and I feel the last bit of energy flowing away from me. Me against the world, I don’t feel like it anymore. All my loved ones have died or are far away. I miss Jill, I miss my son, I miss Sylvia and I miss ...... _him_. 

Footsteps comes nearer. I feel that his tall figure stands before me. I stare at the tip of his boots. 

"Douglas." I look up at his face. A tear shines in the corner of his eye. "Douglas, please come here." He gently pulls me out of my chair, wraps his arms around me and shakes me gently back and forth. 

"Are you sure?" He asks me eventually. I look at him with determination. 

"Yes," I say simply. "You and me, together." 

Slowly, a broad smile breaks through on Huth's face. I can see the tear running down his nose over his cheek. His eyes, however, regain their familiar twinkling. I gently stroke his cheek. He looks at me with a gaze that almost makes me melt. 

"Let's go then," he concludes. "No time to lose." I walk to the table to take my gun and cigar case with the precious content. 

"And what about my son?" I ask him. 

"Leave this to me," he says mysteriously. I still know a number of secret transit routes".

He looks at me. "Are you ready for it?" 

I smile. "All the way."

We leave, ready to start a new chapter in our lives.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little look in Oskar Huth's mind part three

_He has asked me several times when my turning point came. To be honest, I can’t really answer that question._

_I know that I never knew real love. I hate my father because he was only occupied with high demands on himself and also expected this from me and the rest of the family. The glass was always half empty, never half full._

_My mother did her best to make something of it and it’s thanks to her that I didn’t go mad as a child. Unfortunately she died too soon and after that I never had a woman in my life._

_Springer took me under his wing at the military academy. He was a father figure to me and he was my touchstone at decisive moments. But real love? No, I didn’t have time for that and I wasn’t open to that anymore. Better said, I didn’t know that feeling at all. Springer learned me that I could feel and show affection, because I felt accepted by him. But affection is not love._

_I soon became notorious for my efficiency. People shuddered when they saw me in the uniform of the SS. I didn’t care. As long as I achieved my goal, it was good._

_I hated women. They only saw me because of my high rank within the SS. They have made various attempts to seduce me. But I was immune to it. I just ignored them and at a certain point they gave up. I found them awful, those embellished types surrounded by clouds of heavy perfume._

_I_ _could never have imagined that I would fall in love with a man. But ever since I know him, I feel something burning inside that’s so sincere that it can’t be described with a thousand words. I feel a deep connection with him. If he feels bad, I also feel bad. If he is happy, my heart makes a leap of joy._

_This man is now laying next to me. We have escaped and we are on our way to a new life. Soon he will pick up his son and we will be complete._

_I can see from his face that he is plagued by nightmares. He is very restless. I lay close to him and gently brush his face. I cautiously kiss his ear. Gradually I feel him become calmer. He turns his body towards me and puts his head in my neck. I carefully pull him closer._

_Our bodies become entangled in an intimate embrace. We begin to caress each other. I feel how I enjoy when he gives me soft kisses in my neck. This feeling of happiness is so intense that it almost takes my breath away._

_I still feel deeply moved when I think back to the moment he convinced me to go away with him. That he chose for me. If I hadn’t listened to him, I would have died for the firing squad. And Kellerman would have laughed aloud._

_His touches become more intense. I feel an enjoyable pleasure in my lower abdomen. We kiss and tease each other to a climax and it doesn’t take long until we feel each other's sticky warmth on our bodies._

_For the first time I met someone who gives me love, has broken my armor and penetrated deep into my soul. I also learned how it is to give love back._

_A feeling that I’ve never experienced before, only with him. And now I also know what my turning point has been._

_I kiss his sweaty face. Thank you, my love._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part was interesting to write. We don't know much about Oskar Huth. Neither in the series nor in the book they'd given much information.
> 
> Because of my interest in this character, I made up a small historical background. How has his youth been? Why did he become the person as we got to know them in the book and in the series?
> 
> I have also tried to describe an interpretation of a younger Oskar Huth in my earlier stories.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somewhere in the world, on a summerday.....

It’s a warm summer evening. Around me it’s buzzing with life and I feel wonderfully relaxing. I hear the buzz of insects around me and the twittering of birds in the background. I feel how a small cooling breeze comes up. 

I sit on the porch on my wooden swing bench and I am amused with the scene in front of me. My son Douggie is playing with his new boyfriend. Or better said: girlfriend. He has since a couple of months a puppy of a breed whose name I’ve already forgotten. According to Oskar - who apparently knows a lot about dogs – she’s a female. To my shame, I must confess that my knowledge about animals leaves much to be desired. But a city like London wasn’t the best place to keep pets. I will have to ask Oskar about the breed once again.

The dog is already watchful for her age. If she smells danger, she lets herself be heard, but otherwise she has a quiet character. 

I have to smile internally. The dog is the only female element in our male family. But I see how Douggie and she are already attached to each other. She sleeps with him in his bedroom and she reacts very lovely when she feels like Douggie is having a hard time. Then she gives him lickings in his face until my son begins to laugh again. 

But also Oskar and I aren’t skipped. Sometimes she creeps unnoticed into our bedroom and secretly creeps into our bed. And if I have to sneeze because the dog hairs tickle in my face, then I know we've got company. Then she lies between Oskar and me sleeping comfortably relaxed with a blissful look around her eyes. 

Oskar doesn’t mind at all. He has to laugh more often when I get rid of those uncontrolled sneezes again. It looks seemingly funny. Secretly I suspect him that he played a role in the purchase of the dog. 

Nevertheless, we don’t suffer. On the contrary, such a dog brings a whole lot of joy with it. Douggie was visibly flourished when he got the puppy and he pours his heart and soul to the upbringing and care, helped by Oskar. 

"Douggie!" I call. "Time to go to bed. Come inside!" 

"I’m coming, wait a minute! Jill has yet to do her need! " I grin. It wasn’t my idea to name the dog after my deceased wife. 

Moments later two happy creatures stormed into the porch. "Quiet, quiet!" I urge my son. "Do not make that much noise!" 

"Happy evening daddy and see you tomorrow!" My son gives me a firm hug and I smell the summer smells of grass and flowers in his clothes. Douggie takes Jill in his arms and runs up the stairs. From the open door I hear the familiar sounds from the bathroom.

Oskar comes to me a little later. He plops down on the bench, puts an arm around me and pulls me towards him. I look at his face. His blue eyes twinkle and a smile plays around his mouth. He is sunburnt, because he’s now working outside almost every day. I hardly recognize the old Oskar with that ice cold piercing gaze. 

"Mission accomplished?" I ask amusedly.

 He puts his thumb up. "Puppy and child sleep like two blissful little roses."

 I start laughing. " Every time I find it so funny at how you deal with Douggie." 

"Do you mind?" 

"Not at all. I'm just very happy. " I snuggle comfortably against him. 

In the beginning it certainly wasn’t easy. Douggie was afraid of him because he associated Oskar with that terrifying Nazi who chased teachers and children into the church that night. 

But gradually there was a change. And that’s partly thanks to Oskar. He didn’t urge himself, neither my son nor me. Oskar was aware of his place and acted accordingly. I am the father of Douggie and I also take the final decisions. And that worked perfectly. Oskar never discredited me in the presence of my son. 

Douggie, however, is an intelligent boy and he soon realized what kind of relationship I have with Oskar. His curiosity eventually won from his fear. There was a slow rapprochement between Oskar and my son. 

I remember at Christmas that my son and I were strolling through the snowy landscape. Douggie indicated then he was no longer afraid of him because he saw which connection Oskar and I have together. And it was Douggie who eventually helped me to banish my demons from the past. 

 _I feel free. I feel happy._

Oskar and I are visibly enjoying the warm rays of the sun and the sounds of nature around us. Together we share a cigarette. 

"You know," says Oskar to me. "Douggie asked me to help him with his dog. He wants me to teach her some tricks. What do you think about it?" 

"I'm very curious," I answer. "It’s a pleasure to see how you two interact with each other. We have all progressed both mentally and physically. And well, that is also because of Jill! " 

"I'm still glad you've convinced me that day to escape together," he muses. "Otherwise I would have been dead." 

"But we left that behind, Oskar." I stroke his cheek and I think back to the precious content that has been in the cigar case. "It has been a right decision to play out our trump card at the decisive moment. And see what it has brought us. "

"My father should know," says Oskar. "He would have a heart attack if he found out that I betrayed my country and I am sleeping with a man." He looks a little sadly. 

"You don’t regret your decision?" I ask him, a little worried. 

"No no! Oh, no! " He assures me quickly. "This is the best decision I’ve ever made in my life." He pressed a kiss on my head. I sigh and let the subject rest.

Meanwhile, the breeze has become stronger. Outside it starts to cool off a lot. I’m starting to yawn.

Oskar reads my mind perfectly. "Come to bed, Douglas, tomorrow is a new day." He stands up and pulls me along. 

We close everything around the house and walk up the stairs together. 

I always have the habit of looking into my son's bedroom. Also this evening again. With Oskar's hand in mine I open the door to Douggie's bedroom. And what I see is so touching that I can’t say a word. 

Douggie is asleep. But Jill has crawled on his bed and has laid down her paw on Douggie's hand. As if she actually says: _'Don’t be afraid Douggie, I'm here for you_.' 

I stare at the scene, totally speechless. An arm slips around my waist and Oskar gives me a kiss on my cheek. I look at him. 

"Don’t say anything. I get it," he says softly. I nod. Words are unnecessary. 

 

We’re already laying in bed when he turns to me and looks at me seriously. Outside the wind is blowing hard and there is rain coming. I can smell it through the open window.

"Douglas," he begins a little hesitantly. "I'm sorry if I've worried you."

I know immediately what he’s talking about. "No, you don’t," I answer. "But the subject is keeping you busy."

"I still secretly hope for my father's approval. Even though I broke with him years ago. I will never lose this frustrating feeling anywhere, Douglas. But I can’t tell you how happy I am with all of this. For the first time in years I feel like a human again. Thanks to you and your son. And Jill," he concludes.

I swipe a lock of hair out of his face. "You have changed completely since we live here. It’s nice to get to know a new Oskar. But if you want to talk about it, I'll be there for you. You know that. "

"I know. And that knowledge is enough for me."

I crawl to him and put my head in the crook of his neck. "Let's go to sleep, honey. Tomorrow is another day with new possibilities." And I press a kiss in the hollow of his throat.

Oskar smiles at the sound of his new nickname. I can’t see his gaze but I feel that he loves it. I receive a kiss in response.

"Sleep well, Douglas."

"Sleep well Oskar."

The first raindrops hit the window and flush the dust away from the hot summer day. With these sounds in the background we fall asleep in each other's arms, on our way to a new day in our new world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been deliberately vague on how they have escaped. I leave this to the fantasy of the readers.
> 
> I also didn't mention place names in this last chapter. For me it is enough that they have landed on a piece of paradise and that they lead their lives (fortunately).
> 
> Maybe a somewhat too positive end of this story but in real life there is enough misery and I wanted to give our favourite couple a happy ending!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
